Showing posts with label twilight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label twilight. Show all posts

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Why Do I Like Twilight? Part 3 (movie)

The movie was shot in an unusually dark range of tones. Over saturated color, like the photos from the mid 90s. Overdone look, and we've been done with the goth thing since 1997. I know it's a teenage vampire movie, and there's little sunshine in Forks, but come on! Try to use some artistry in the cinematography, OK? Yuck. Like staring at a Joel Peter Witkin picture, or old Trent Reznor video. OVERDONE, people!

That said, I loved the stupid movie. I got caught up in the "romance" aspect again. Thank god for Kristen Stewart. She didn't say all the maudlin crap, which spared me from the worst dialogue. I was amazed at how fresh the plot felt. They tightened it up a bit, made some plot points different for the sake of tying all the strands together (which Meyer didn't really do, OK?), which made the movie flow better. I was also amazed at how I wanted to watch the love story unfold. I'd read the thing, so I knew what was going on in everyone's heads, so maybe Pattinson's constipated angry face didn't register as being stupid because I knew what was happening. I was like a little kid who can't read yet who is happy to go to a movie to see how Curious George plays out, something like that. Like I was just happy to see the thing brought to life.

I loved the scenes where Edward ran/flew with Bella on his back, and where he repelled the van. The audience gasped along with me. I laughed a LOT at some of the dialogue. Couldn't help it. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Would I naturally pick Pattinson as a romantic partner? Definitely not. He's not my type. But I can see why the 16 year olds are into him. I get it. Because he's not my type, though, the kiss didn't do so much for me. But please, not Jeffrey Dean Morgan as a ghost! God, I hate Grey's Anatomy SO MUCH now.


OK, enough of this! On to other things.

Why Do I Like Twilight? Part 2 (book)

The whole "Bella is so beautiful and dazzling" thing is annoying, and IMO, Meyer's Brigham Young training seeps into the non-premarital-sex thing, and the whole "girl is beautiful and everyone is throwing themselves at her" mantra. I scared some Mormon boys off once, telling them that I was so feminist that their brains would bleed around me. But sometimes the devotion is worth it, I guess? Tradeoffs of security in life? I see too many tradeoffs in the world. On the flip side, I guess it could be argued that it's OK for teenagers to have an example finally of teen characters who don't jump in the sack like animals. There's that, too.

Do I really like the Bella/Edward romance? Yes and no. I'm tired of it by the end of the second book. I mean, really weary. You cry through one whole book for some monster, then try to kill yourself? Run off with Jacob, for God's sake! He's hot! God, I'm middle aged, and it's pervy to say this, but Taylor Lautner in the movie is the best-looking part of the whole thing. I digress. I feel tired for Bella, like she must herself be jaded by all the adoration. Really obnoxious and overstated after a while. I wouldn't want it for myself, so obvious and in-your-face all the time. People that have to say it constantly are usually the biggest con artists of all, you know? What is said is itself and its opposite, yadda yadda.

I was annoyed by the plot outline of the books. Like it was plotted out over a 4 book story arc, just to string me along so I would buy 4 books. Not organic at all. Yes, Meyer loves Bella like a daughter, I get it. But I feel like the kid marketed to for a Happy Meal. I'm vegetarian anyway, but you know? It's not art. It's commerce, cold commerce, cold cash. Kitsch, greasy like French fries, maudlin, sentimental, and laborious. I love it, but there it is.

Why Do I Like Twilight? Part 1 (franchise, book)

Hey, movie making America! I'm going to pick my fevered female brain for 5 minutes to find out why it ticks! Fun for you, maybe fun for me!

Why do I like Twilight, the book(s!), the movie. OK, where's all the darned merch for the ladies, people? Bath salts, dresses, vampire makeup, colored contacts, Quileute jewelry, books on vampire lore, framed prints of the characters? I know they're on it, OK? I feel like a 6 year old, with new Happy Meal toys targeted relentlessly to them, helpless to the tractor beam. Scares me, actually. Already spent, what? 50 bucks total on the stupid franchise, and I want it to stop!

Anyway, Meyer got something with Bella's clumsiness/shyness. The girl every single teenage girl can relate to, especially if the growth plates in the bones aren't finished with their job yet or the hormones haven't calmed down. First love, do I even remember anymore? I had my heart broken by a bassoon player, people. Do I want to remember this? But it's nice that it works out for Bella. Edward, well, he's stuck in 1918 mentally, morally, which is also interesting.

It's good in a work of literature, when a topic is fresh and ripe for invention. The vampire thing is wacky already, and then Meyer made up her own rules on top. Endless. The mind reading, skin glittering, the superhuman movement, the interactions between 4 groups (human, werewolf, good vampires, bad vampires). And let's not forget the vampires that are neither good nor bad! Then there's the moral world the vampires are trying to dissect. Are they part of heaven anymore?

More of my celebrity obsessions

I actually love the entries on the Lainey Lurv facebook account, in which the members recall meeting celebrities, and what they were like.

It's even more interesting in some ways than the straight gossip, because it's from the gut and real. I met Willie Nelson, who really is THAT nice. He kindly brought me in to play fiddle with his band, and he was generous with me and pushed me take the entire stage. Made him sing anyway! Haha! Best time of my life. I met Matt Damon, and although he's good and all, he WILL be unhappy when I am awarded the Nobel Prize for literature and he remembers turning me down for a role in my student-written play. And then I give the movie options to someone else. Dream on, you say! Ha!

I think it must be wicked hard to be a celebrity and to be under all these pressures. Just discussing Stevie Ray Vaughn the other day, how it's so easy to slip into addictions when you live in a fishbowl. Can't even IMAGINE Linsay Lohan/Miley Cyrus/Britney Spears/Jonas Bros. Good lord. To be young and wanted everywhere. Robert Pattinson, will he ever have a normal brain again? They say you can hear the thoughts of all the people across the world who are thinking of you. Yeesh. That must be a mess for Tara Reid and Misha Barton!

On a lighter note, I am absolutely OBSESSED with Hugh Laurie as House. I was nuts over Russell Brand until he made fun of the Jonas purity rings. Yikes. So now it's the Englishman with the perfect Yank accent, fake limp, and endless bile with a human heart underneath. I'm dying to know if he ends up with Cuddy soon! The kiss, the suspense is killing me! Aggggghhhh! They have a word for it behind the scenes, "URST," unresolved sexual tension. Used it throughout Friends' run. Keeps the show going, I guess. Maybe that's why Grey's Anatomy fell down dead? I don't care what the ratings say, how can their writers look at themselves in their mirrors every morning? Kill off the gorgeous gay character, make a domestic scene with Meredith, and have sex with ghosts? WT-?

On an even sillier note, I read a Twilight book to see what the fuss was about. Horrible writing, and the worst plot outlines I have ever seen. Sooooo formulaic, and designed exactly to fit into 4 ginormous novels. Ack! I blasted through all 4 of them in 2 months...I have to admit, I was infected with the vampire virus! I thought I could resist. I even read "Midnight Sun" online to see inside Edward's head, and sat there entranced for an entire afternoon. Stephenie Meyer! You have some evil talent there, lady! Yeesh. What's worse: I went to the stupid movie and really loved the whole thing. I got caught up like some teenybopper. I even investigated the requirements to become a Twilight Mom and I qualify with my middle age. What has my life come to, that I would get this obsessed over Young Adult fare? Good lord. I was even completely entranced and happy at the final book's ending in "Breaking Dawn." LOVE how things work out for Jacob, LOVED Bella's honeymoon, LOVED how noone vital died, LOVED how the battle worked out at the end. And I consider myself a serious author! Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!